21 Years Old#
Achievement Unlocked: Spent the 21st revolution of the planet in the star system with carbon-based life forms on a blue planet on the edge of the third spiral arm.
To be honest, since I turned 20, my attitude towards my birthday has changed from excitement to anxiety.
Before turning 20, I looked forward to growing up quickly and dreaming of the life outside, not wanting to be confined to the present. But after turning 20 and experiencing the outside world, I became anxious about work and my lack of achievements. I tried my best to do many things well, but the results were still unsatisfactory.
Despite the anxiety, I have accepted this state of being. Even though I may not have the same passion and energy as before, I still love the work I do, do what I need to do, and cherish the people around me.
Knowing Myself#
I really like a quote from Luo Zhenyu: "Growth is when your ideal world meets the real world, falling into it is called setbacks, climbing out is called growth."
In the past, I often thought highly of myself, believing that my life must be extraordinary. I even struggled with whether to attend Tsinghua University or Peking University (now I can only look up to them). As I grew older, I gradually realized my limitations and shortcomings in various aspects, and understood my insignificance. However, this negative self-perception caused me to lose some confidence and be afraid to try new things. I underestimated myself and approached certain things with a self-defeating attitude, thinking that I would never be able to do them well. As a result, I have often avoided opportunities, leading to regrets.
In World of Warcraft, if you fish in the wishing well in Dalaran, you can catch many coins, including one called "Antonidas' Silver Coin" with the words: "Grant me the strength to accept what I cannot change; the courage to change what I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
The key is to have the wisdom to distinguish between the two. If I had the wisdom to know with absolute certainty that I could change something, then I would have the confidence to pursue it wholeheartedly. However, wisdom is abstract and does not have a precise standard, so I believe that this wisdom can be replaced by another means - self-awareness.
Many things have not gone as planned because of a lack of correct understanding - understanding of work cycles, understanding of my own abilities, understanding of available resources, etc. People often draw premature conclusions out of laziness, avoiding the complexity of exploration. However, this often leads to wrong actions.
Having a clear self-awareness is difficult for me. I often waver because of others' evaluations and opinions. I don't have a strong enough heart to easily digest the cold water thrown at me by others or their comments that they think are insignificant. It takes me a long time to recover and regain my confidence. On the other hand, I am also easily complacent, and any positive evaluation from others can make me feel proud. So when I do something that I am not completely confident about, I try to avoid letting others know. When there is no external influence, I can have a clearer understanding of myself.
In these 21 years, I have gradually come to understand myself, reconciling with myself. I hope this is also a form of growth.
Be an Interesting Person#
I have always wanted to be a humorous and interesting person. I believe that being able to make others genuinely laugh is a great power.
But when I talk about humor, I don't mean the ability to pick up on jokes or use trendy internet phrases. For example, when someone is good at playing a game, people would say "6" (a slang term meaning "awesome"). Over time, the word "6" has become overused and applied to various situations, resulting in a decline in its quality.
What's even scarier is that after a while, I realized that the number "6" has replaced many words in my mind. When interacting with friends, "6" has become the first word that comes to mind, and everything is praised as "666" (meaning extremely good). Undoubtedly, I have lost some ability to think independently, which has also caused me to suppress my true thoughts.
Independent thinking and having unique perspectives are prerequisites for being interesting. I hope to observe the world and think for myself with my own eyes.
Gratitude#
Although turning 21 comes with many regrets, I am also surrounded by lovely people who make me feel loved. Just this alone is enough to dispel any gloom. Thank you to my family and friends who have always been there for me.
This year's birthday is Pokémon-themed!
Life is bright, everything is lovely, the world is worth it, and the future is promising.